I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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