Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
