We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
