Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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