I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
