A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
