There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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