Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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