If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
