he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
