these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
