He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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