I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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