i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
