Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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