i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
