i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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