How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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