Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
