Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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