i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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