guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This is classic penis vs brain.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
