Too much gin, very little bucket
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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