i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
