My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
