were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
