Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
