yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
