there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
