ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
