I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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