ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
