Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
