can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
