OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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