I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
