I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
