I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
If that was your dad, he is hot
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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