just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
