I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
