i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Enjoy the penises
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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