I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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