even my farts smell like vagina
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
