You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
foreskin is a definite game changer
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize