My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
