nut hugger
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
