I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
