he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
