My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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