i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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