It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
