Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
