He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
