He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
