I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
